Life of the College Girl

Claudette Jameson Must Die!

Posted on: January 21, 2010

I wanted to build an empire off of this name, but it seems it has been tarnished since birth. A name I created for a virtual game that soon became an alias to keep my real name private soon spun out of control, and now the person who is Claudette Jameson is ruining my own well being.

This alter ego is turning me into someone online who I’m not in real life. An oversexed, attention whore, who never wears clothes, who is depressed or angry most of the time and wonders why she is single.  It’s effecting my personal life because I am now turning to drugs and alcohol to deal with the attack I’ve  experienced online.  This alter ego has made me addict to the internet, where I go in hopes of comfort and attention, things I’ve rarely get, and because of my actions on various message boards and websites many of my online friends have given up and abandoned me.

I don’t want to be this person anymore. I want to go back to who I was almost 3 years ago. I want to go back to being happy most of the time instead of crying all the time and making suicide threats for attention. I never did that in the past. Actually, I was afraid, embarrassed for people to know that I had those thoughts because I thought that I would lose friends or end up in a mental facility again.  I saw this alias as a way of  being able to say what I wanted and not be afraid. I thought I was in control of it, but at the end of the day it was in control of me.

So now she must die. I must destroy her. I have to do this so I can be happy.  If I just lived as me and stopped battling between these 2 people. I would be happier. It’s like she’s possessed by demons and now she’s controlling me.  That may be the reason why I could never go through with most of my suicide attempts. I don’t want to kill me. Claudette wants to die. She’s the one who is suicidal. She’s the one who is hurting, who cries herself to sleep, she’s the one who wants to end it all. I’m ok. I need to get rid of her and that first step to doing that is getting rid of her name. 

I have to get rid of everything associated with her. Her Twitter account, her Facebook page, her Myspace, as well as this blog and all the other blogs with her name. I’m sorry, but I have to let her die. She has done nothing but cause me pain over these few years.  All of this could have died down by now if it wasn’t for me wanting to keep her alive. I felt like I needed her to be known, but I don’t. Now she’s just a distraction from the real world and who I really am. I can’t find me with her in the way. So I have to kill her.

Advertisements

3 Responses to "Claudette Jameson Must Die!"

Hey, I followed this blog for a while and have read through your life. Like everyone else I have my own comments but I’ll keep them to myself for now. I am hoping that this solution you have chosen will work and I will pray that you are able to find peace on the demons plagueing you in your life.

I don’t know if you still check this page, I see you have not posted in a while. I actually just came across it. I hope this message finds you in good spirits and your situation has greatly improved. From some of the post I have read, it seems as though you are on a healthier path and I pray that is the case. Referring to what happened just know that not everyone is against you or has negative feelings for you. In fact, many should have no feeling about it anyway because they don’t know you. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you to keep your head up. “An ant which dwells in the dirt can make it to the mountain top!” Life is not all about what happened in the past but where you are headed in the future. I hope your lack in posting means you have left all of this negativity behind. Wishing the best of possible outcomes for you. Keep it moving!

Let me start off by telling you that I hope you’re doing well.Also,I’ve been where you were at.It’s not easy,but keep pushing.You are a beautiful woman and deserve the best that life has to offer.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: