Life of the College Girl

Ok, so as you all know….or if you don’t know already. I have gained weight. I hate to admit it, but I have to face it. Anyway, I think that my ballooning is preventing me from finding that guy that I want.

I remember hearing that in order to find a guy with the traits you want, you gotta have some of those traits yourself…something like that. I think I have some of the traits that I want in a guy. I want a cute guy…I’m cute, actually I’m very very cute…anyway, I like athletic guys, I love to workout…..

Hold up. Do you think it’s because they don’t think I workout as much as I actually do? I mean on a good day I can workout for like 3 hours, but it’s just that I eat like the 1,000 pound man. They should be lucky I do work out or I would be 300 by now with the way I eat.

I have to admit, even though I really don’t care what females think of me, I do care what guys think of me. Another thing that I have to work on, and I hate it when dudes think that I’m unattractive because I don’t have a child’s size waist and a fat ass, and that takes a toll on me. I mean I believe that I am very attractive from the neck up, but from the neck down I have really bad body issues and it is because of me caring about how I think these very shallow men see me.

Not to say that I don’t have a great personality. My personality is the greatest, I don’t think I have to worry too much about things like that. Not that I don’t have to improve on them, but those are things that have always been positive traits of mine. I’ve always been cute, I’ve always had a great personality, but I’ve never had a great body, and I think that is what people focus on the most.

And that pisses me off. Why must people be so shallow? Why can’t they just except people for who they are on the inside? Why must men be so shallow, and base wether or not they have a relationship with a female off of how their body looks and how good they are in bed? Do they not know the toll these things take on females like me. When I used to watch music videos, I would compare myself to the girls in these videos. Some of my readers from when I was on Blogger might remember my weight loss blog. Me wanting a “Video Vixen’s Body”. I would do anything to look like them. Small waist, big boob, and big butt. Even if it meant not eating , eating once a day, or trying to make myself vomit after eating. I wanted to look like that.

As of right now I take laxatives. It’s not a regular thing, just on the days I eat fast food to help with my digestion. But it’s dieter’s tea so…..yeah.

I’m so glad that school is starting, I’ll have less time to watch tv and focus more on my school work. I believe that the media has effected the way I see myself, just like a lot of young women my age. But instead of stick figures, it’s the curvy women, the Kim Kardshians and the Beyonce’s. People who are suppose to represent the shapes of “real women” even though most Americans are over weight….right. Though women like Kim and Bey are healthy motivation for me, I’ll willing to go the drastic measures to look like them because I know that after I lose some weight I will….

Anyway, even though I’m sitting here writing this long ass “woes is me” sob story, that doesn’t mean I’m not doing anything about it. I’ve cut out my late night Taco Bell trips(actually my reason for that wasn’t for my health, but because this guy who has been stalking me kinda works there late night now…soooo I’m trying to avoid him.), I don’t eat fast food like I used to. The fridge in my room is filled with fruit, applesauce, water, yogurt,and G2, and I signed up for pilates class at school. On top of that,I’m still going walking during the week.

I tend to lose weight while I’m in school anyway so I should be back down to my normal weight in a couple of weeks. Just stay away from the candy at work and I’ll be good….

Luv ya!