Life of the College Girl

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December 31, 2009. The end of the year, the end of a decade. A decade I lived through, laughed through, cried through. A decade that made me a better me. I learned so much about myself, but I’m still confused about a few things.

The decade started with my father getting married to the lady I now know as my step mother. I lived in 2 different worlds during this time. One being the conservative, typical Christian family. Church every sunday, waking up early for Sunday school, church functions, etc. When I wasn’t in church I was spending most my time with my Grandparents, who were more like my actual parents. I was closed off from the world and stayed in that little house in Cavalier Manor, until I was like 14 or 15 when I got my bike and started riding it around the neighborhood. My first boyfriend lived across the street from Waters Middle School, but my first love lived down the street from me. He was 18, and I was 15. My dad met him and never let me leave the house again, but he worked near my cousin’s hair salon, where I was a receptionist, so I saw him on my lunch break every Saturday. I was so in love with him until I got a text message from another girl saying the she was pregnant with his baby.

My other life was filled with partying. Actually from the age of 8 until 14 my life was literally a never-ending party. My mom and her boyfriend, who I refer to as my stepdad because he basically raised me, partied every night. I remember walking downstairs to go to school and seeing about a dozen people pasted out in my family room. The regulars were like family to me,and most of them were the same age as my sisters so my mom was like a mother to them. This is the reason why I have so many “brothers”. None of them are blood related, but they call my mother “mom”. I also have tons of “uncles”, “aunts”, and “cousins”  because of these parties. Literally Monday through Sunday you would hear Go go music blasting from my house starting as early as 3pm. My 13th birthday party lasted 3 days and I was only there for one! I learned how to play spades during that time, and my mom was known for her “Pink Panties” , a drink she used to make with frozen pink lemonade, gin, and whipped cream. Other than beer, that was the first alcoholic beverage I ever tasted, and I couldn’t even taste the gin.

 Also shout out my pets. All the dogs I’ve had over the past 10 years. Diamond, Gogo, Madison,Noble, the rest of Diamond’s puppies. Especially Jigga who got his name from the line in “Hard Knock Life” where Jay said “Scratch his name out, put Jigga on top…” . I think of that puppy whenever I hear that song. He was the only black puppy in the bunch. Also I cannot forget Lucky, the celebrity of the bunch. He was on the morning news one morning. He was known for running away. Well known around the pound. However, the last time he ran away he didn’t come back. I still miss him. He was a Beagle/Basset Hound mix; the closest I had to a lap dog. Lastly, the last dog standing, my baby girl, Ginger. I love her to death.

This decade I also went through this little thing called puberty. I started growing my famous breast in 5th grade. While my classmates where still in training bras, I was wearing cup sizes. 34A specifically. By 6th grade I was a B, 7th grade a C, 8th a D, and by the time I hit high school I was in the doubles going in the triples. I never really had a problem with my breast, but everyone else did. I mean, I never had back problems, maybe I had to buy my shirts a little bigger but other than that it wasn’t that serious to me.  When I cheered I was the Brittani with the big boobs. In college I was “Double D’s”.  Those names didn’t bother me even though many thought that it should. I loved getting that type of attention. Earlier this year I did contemplate getting a breast reduction for fashion, but after thinking long and hard about it, I decided not to. My F’s are what make me who I am. That’s one of the things I’m known for. Plus I’ve been working great with them this long, might as well keep them.

During this time I started liking boys, more than usual. It started in 7th grade when I had my first sexual experience with this guy I had a major crush on. Like I wrote poetry about this dude. I had poetry books dedicated to him. It was in his cousin’s house. I thought it was sex, but I wasn’t penetrated. Also it wasn’t even vaginal, but I still ran around telling everyone I lost my virginity to this dude and that is why till this day a lot of people I went to school with don’t know I’m a virgin. I was a great liar back then(still am), and the fact that he didn’t deny it make it even more believable.

He was one of 3 big crushes I had growing up. The second was this guy who played basketball for my high school, star player, and I didn’t even like him at first.  The reason was that every other girl on the cheerleading squad liked him. For some reason that turned me off, but then I got a good look at the man and realized why these girls were drooling. He was tall, with yellow skin, cornrows, and grey eyes. Nice smile, dressed nice, smart, and sweet; it’s hard to resist someone like that. Til this day, I still have a crush on him. He’s my friend on Facebook, I follow him on Twitter, and the last time I saw him I melted when he gave me a hug. I doubt he would ever give me the time of day, plus it would be hard since he goes to school in Kentucky now, but one day I hope to go out with him and just talk. So, Mr. Basketball Player, if you are reading this hit me up!

Guy number 3 you all know as my “Favorite Football Player”, or “That guy who plays for the Vikings”, or “That nigga who use to be at Florida”, did I refer to him as anything else? Anyway, I will reveal who he is for my slow readers and those who don’t watch sports. Percy Harvin. At first I didn’t know who this dude was. I just heard everyone talking about him, and I was just like “Who or what the fuck is a Percy, and why should I take time out of my life to know who he is?”  Then, one day I was waking up from a nap(this is back when I use to watch Oprah) and the news was on and they were talking to this cute guy from Landstown in a tan jacket. Let’s just say there were 2 wet spots on my bed; one from drooling and the other from dripping. After that I was hooked. I became a fan and he became one of my biggest crushes since the guy who “took my virginity”.  However, I never met him though I knew all his friends and there were times when we were in the same room, feet from each other. I wish I could have though. Hopefully one day I will. So again, Percy, if you’re reading this(I doubt it) holla at me! I will look so good on your arm. Ok, let me stop.

I graduated high school and headed off to college. You would think I would hate Morgan State University, but I don’t. I’m a bear for life, even if I don’t graduate. Claudette Jameson would not exist if it wasn’t for that one depressed day in room 638 when I just wanted to be someone else, and created an account on Second Life. The software wasn’t compatible with my iBook, but I kept the name. I love that school, I met so many great friends there, so many talented people. I’m actually planning on moving back to Baltimore, because I just loved being there. For some reason that city was just so inspiring.

I know I’m leaving a lot of stuff out, but most of what is being left out I’ve written on here before. (i.e.,Brett Farve). Plus I didn’t want to make this too depressing. I’m done feeling sorry for myself, and letting my past hold me back. 2010 is a new year and the start of a new decade. I want to be happy for a change; I’m tired of being depressed. I want to reach my goals. For those who follow me on Twitter, you know that I am now writing for the site Capital Noise (which launches tomorrow by the way), and I’m getting my body together so I can do some modeling under my alter ego’s alter ego BriMyChelle. I want to do big things and I have big dreams for myself. Dreams I got to make come true, so I can’t just sit around doing nothing and feeling bad about myself.

With all that being said, I want to be one of the first to wish you all a Happy New Year. I just got my new netbook, so look forward to a lot of new entries. I plan to do big things in 2010 and beyond so stay tuned!

Luv Ya!!!

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I’ve tried everything. I’ve never felt this bad ever. I don’t think that I’ll make it until the end of the year, the end of the week, the end of this day. I just don’t feel like me. I’m not truely happy. My heart hurts, and it brings me to tears thinking about why its so hard for me to be happy. Why can’t I be happy like other people? Why am I like? Why is it so bad? To be completely honest, I don’t want to live anymore and I really don’t care who I hurt by saying this. It’s the truth.

 No one acts like they want me to stay alive anyway. They’re tired of my “whining”, so instead of answering my cry for help, they ignore it. Ignoring it, mean that they don’t care,and I honestly believe that there are a lot of people out here who actually would be happy if I were dead so that they wouldn’t have to deal with me anymore. I bet there are tons of people who secretly wish that was so. Actually I know.

So why don’t I just do it. Yeah my family would be sad but in the long run that would be a load off their shoulders. They won’t have to bother with my mood swing. My mom wouldn’t have to leave the state because she’s fed up with me. I don’t have to keep hidhing from my dad. My siblings won’t be stress over me. I honestly believe they would be relieved if I finally killed myself. I would be too.

I would be happier, actually I wouldn’t feel anything at all. Why can’t I jut go and do it? The thought has crossed my mind many time to just drive down the wrong side of the road one night, lay in the middle of the street, and even drive drunk, but if I do any of those things and survive I might hurt someone else and/or get arrested. I’m not out to harm anyone else, just myself. It’s not their fault I’m the way I am, so they shouldn’t have to be a victim. I just want to hurt me.

I’m so sad, so angry, so disgusted with myself. I’m ashamed and embarassed for acting the way I do which adds to it, but I can’t stop. I just want someone to take notice and do something, but no one really has. I’ve just been ignored. I’ve just been left alone, which is where this problem stems, from me being alone. I’m always alone. If I were around someone I would be so much happier, if people interacted with me, I don’t think I would be like this, but I was cursed with shyness making it hard for me to interact with people. Meaning they don’t intereact with me, so I’m left alone with myself and my thoughts. No one to come over and get me out of my rut, no one really to talk to, no one to hug me and help me through what I was dealing with. I had to do that alone. I’ve never had encouragement unless it was to do something negative. Never any positive encouragement. I’ve became a cold person for the simple fact that I believe people hate me. It’s to the point that I want people to hate me because I get more attention that way. When I was nice, no one paid attention to me, or told me how nice I was. They took advantage of it, but they never appreciated it. On top of that I was different and no one wanted to be around me. I never got to bond with my team when I was cheerleading and guys never liked me. Another reason why I find my life useless.

I’ve only had 2 real boyfriends, both relationships ended with a pregnant woman(who wasn’t me) getting involved. I had one boyfriend treat me like dirt because I wouldn’t have sex with him, and a couple of guys just quit talking to me because of it. What’s the use of my existing if I can’t reproduce? I’m afraid to have sex, plus I waiting for this person who either will never come or is already taken. I’m over this! No man wants me, and I wouldn’t blame them. I deserve to be treated the way I was, especially with comtemplating being a stripper. I’m a disgusting person. No man will ever respect me. I’ll only be used for sexual pleasure. I don’t want that to be my life, so I might as well end it.

I’ve lost all interest in school, one of my favorite things. I use to love school, even the hard subjects, but now I just don’t care. I want to flunk out, I want to fail. I’ll never get my degree so what’s the use of me even continuing? I should be applying to other colleges now, but I cant because my other school still hasn’t sent my transcripts. I honestly don’t know what I want to do anyway,so why keep going and wasting money?

Which brings me to what triggered this entire depressive state. Money issues. My mom doesn’t have a job, so everything is going down hill. The cable is off, we may not have a house, I’m barely making $150 a week now. I’ve applied at a couple of jobs, none of them have called back. I’m still in debt, it’s just hard and depressing. I can’t live like this.

You all can say that there are people worse off than me and they’re getting through, but I’m not them. They’re happy. Yeah they might be upset over their current state but overall they are happy people. They aren’t severely depressed people. That’s why I can’t stand it when someone tells someone who is suicidal that “it’s not that bad”. Fuck You! You think those 4 little words are going to prevent someone from offing themselves? It’s not. To you it’s not that bad, but to us it is. You don’t know what I’ve been through to get to where I am. To having no hope for my life. That’s something normal happy people will never EVER  understand. I don’t even understand why I’m asking my help anymore. It’s useless. I’m beyond help. I should just end it all now.

 

I’ve talked about this a lot. I’ve honestly wanted to do it since I was very young. Now that I’m of age ,and men tell me that I have the body for it, I just might try it. The main reason is because I need the money, bad. I’m only working weekends at my job because the season is over and I’m barely getting 20 hours. On top of that, I have my bills to pay on top of paying some of my mother’s bills because she is currently unemployed. I need the money. I know many of you would tell me to cut back on my spending and I have been. I’m done buying hair for the rest of the year, I haven’t bought clothes since early September maybe with the exception of the dress I had to buy for a wedding recently, I don’t eat out as much, and I talked myself out of buying an unneccessary 2nd phone. What else can I cut out?

I need a second job bad, but I suck at interviews and I hate those waste of time quizzes that they give you. I mean if I’m going to spend an hour answering the same questions 5 times and then you reject my application because I answer 2 questions differently then this isn’t the job for me. Plus no one is hiring for real anyway, and I’m always going to be beat out by someone with more experience in the field. I’m very experienced in the field of being sexy. Doing anything, within reason, to get money.

 That’s why I think stripping is for me. I’m getting paid to do what I do best. Be sexy. The club that I want to work for just happens to be hiring. I assume they make good money there seeing that my guy friends go like every week and spend like hundreds of dollars. That’s the type of money I need. I can help my mom, I can pay off my debts, it will make everything easier. We won’t have to worry about the cable being turned off, or the internet bill being late, or having the power turned off. I’ll be able to take care of all of that.

Most importantly I’ll be happy. I’ll be doing something I’ve been wanting to do since I was 11 years old, maybe younger. I’ll finally get the attention I crave and get paid for it. I’ve never seen stripping as being degrading, but glamorous. I never saw the negatives and I never will. All I see is money right now and I have to do what I gotta do to get it. Even if it does mean hurting my family. My mom might kick me out, I don’t care, but I doubt she will when she knows I’m helping her pay her bills. My dad may not speak to me, but do you think I care? No!

As of right now, there’s no cable tv and I don’t know when it will return, come Friday I may not have internet, meanwhile downstairs both freezers and the refrigerator are almost empty. I can’t live like this. I’m not use to this. I’m willing to do what ever to get things back to normal.

So I was on my Dashboard and I spotted that I had a new link in my “Incoming Links” box. It was from Nubian Fitness Goddess: A Black Woman’s Journey to Physical Fitness. She had nominated my blog for the I Love Your Blog Award. By the way, this is one of my favorite blogs on fitness. So much that it was the first blog roll link on my Claudette Jameson: The Weight Loss Edition blog. I was surprised,seriously, that she nominated me,as well as very thankful.

So thank you Nubian Fitness Goddess for the nomination!!! Luv Ya!!!

Now, it’s my turn.

Nubian Fitness Goddess: A Black Woman’s Journey to Physical Fitness
My favorite fitness blog. Focusing on black women, the black community and a healthy lifestyle.

Glennisha Morgan
She’s a great writer, and she writes on the most interesting topics.

Media Outrage
One of my favorite celeb blogs. It’s very entertaining. I think I go here more to read the comments than the actual entries.

Harvin Zone
This blog helps me keep up with one of my secret crushes favorite athletes.

Darren McFadden
The youngest,sexiest,yummiest, player in the NFL right now. Oakland Raiders rookie running back Darren McFadden. He’s supposed to be blogging throughout the season but I assume that due to practice,and to the fact that he’s probably sick in bed right now after their 41-14 lost to the Broncos last night (Personally I cried myself to sleep), he doesn’t really write in it everyday. However, when he does write, it’s very interesting and he really gives you an insight into how it feels to be a rookie in the NFL.

Claudette Jameson: The Weight Loss Edition
Very interesting. This chick named Claudette is blogging her weight loss. She doesn’t really keep it up as much as she should,but she’s working on it….

Now The Rules:

1. The nominated is allowed to put this picture on their blogs.
2. Link to the person who hearted you.
3. Nominate at least 7 other people and link to them.
4. Leave a message on those people’s blog to make them aware that they’re nominated.

Once again, thank you to Nubian Fitness Goddess for nominating me!!!

Luv Ya!!!

I was checking my Myspace messages,and on of my friends wrote me telling me that the guy who video taped me put out another video, on the same site. I got a major lump in my throat, you know the ones you get when you’re scared,and angry? I was upset, because I couldn’t believe that this person was still putting these things out,and how many there were. I was upset, though I don’t know if it’s true or not. He posted the link to the site, but I couldn’t go to it. I knew that I didn’t want people seeing mine so I couldn’t bring myself to see this one. As much as I may want to, it would disrespectful.

But what would make a person do these thing, share your most intimate moments with the WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD? What did these girls do that was so wrong? I know what they did….nothing at all. Except for be so stupid and let themselves be video taped. I had to realize that, because I was so nice to this person and his friends, and all they did was take advantage of my kindness and my need for attention. I was not a bad person,but for months I thought I was the worst person on earth, to the point that I really did believe that the world would be better off without me. Sometimes I would slightly overdose on one of my meds,and pray that I didn’t wake up the next morning, that’s how bad it got. I never showed my face, but everyone knew me by my big red coat. Then I finally woke up and realized that I wasn’t a bad person, the person who put the vid out was, and that I didn’t do anything that 90% of the girls on campus had already done.

Anyway, I still don’t get why a person would do this. What type of sick pleasure do you get out of exploiting young women? Does it make you feel powerful? Does it turn you on? What is it? It’s sick and degrading and disgusting.

This is crazy because I was just about to write a funny post about one of the searches for my blog. Someone was searching “Claudette Jameson Video Hoe” it kinda made me laugh because I was thinking of it in the terms of Buffy and Ki Toy, but there is another definition to that term. However, that did make me say “wooooooow”.

I know I said that I would never speak on this subject again, but this just opened up old wounds,and it pissed me off. I just hope this girl doesn’t have to go through the same thing I went through,and if she did I hope that she handles it better,and learns from it. I hope it isn’t me, matter of fact. I know it’s no way it can be, but my paranoid side is always yelling “what if” at me, so I gotta be cautious. I haven’t heard anything on any other sites so I don’t think it’s that serious. I know it’s mean, but I really hope if it is someone it’s someone who treated me like dirt when mine happened. I’m sorry, I believe in Karma. I’ll still feel sorry,but not as sorry….

Ok so it’s this cute guy in one of my classes. He is so sexy, I mean I have to hold back from drooling when I see him. Anyway, he came in class late after missing the last couple of classes. He wanted to know what the assignments were for the days that he missed. Ok for one, he should of looked at the syllabus, because that had a calendar of all the assignments for the whole semester.

So, my teacher is very strict and sticks to her rules. One of her rules is if you need to ask her a personal question (i.e. “What did we do last class?”), you ask her after class or during office hours. Otherwise she will not answer you. She’ll hear you, but she will continue on with what she is doing. Maybe that’s why a lot of students say that she is a bad teacher. It’s not that she’s a bad teacher, it’s that she’s strict and to make in her class you have to get used to that.

Anyway, this fine guy was yelling trying to get the teacher’s attention right before the end of class. She just ignored him. He kept yelling and yelling,and right after she dismissed classes I heard the word “Bitch” come out his mouth. He said it in vain, with anger,and that turn me off. How are you going to disrespect you teacher, not only that, how are you going to disrespect a WOMAN like that? I mean if you would say that to her, then what about your mother, your sister, your girlfriend? That just pisses me off.

Before I found my mind and common sense I thought it was ok for a man to call a woman a bitch, because I was one and he was just saying what I was. Then I thought about it. No, that isn’t right. Yeah I may be a bitch, but I don’t need a man to remind me of it. I feel really disrespected when a man calls me a bitch now, or when I hear a man call another woman a bitch. Because when it’s coming from the opposite sex, I see it as degrading. I don’t see it meaning a woman in charge, or a bossy chick, but as it’s real definition of a female dog. I may be bossy, but I am no K9. Then again when I get mad I kinda take on the personality of a pit bull, I might even bite your ass if you get me angry enough, but other than that I am not a dog and I do not want to be called one.

But yeah along with being dirty, being shallow, trying to be hood when you’re really not,and being fake and lying, a man who degrades women is one of my pet peeves and one of my turn offs. That’s why I’m not really into rappers anymore, most of them are so degrading to women in their music, and the ones who aren’t are boo’d up (I wonder why?). It don’t matter how cute you are, if you degrade me, you’re outta here!!!

…to change the way I see most black females, but the ones that I am in contact with aren’t really helping me change my views. I mean what the hell!!! I was in class today, and it was these two girls who sat in front of me. They kept looking back at me and whispering throughout the class(why were they able to do that? Because we were doing a writing assignment that required our textbook which they did not have). I tried to ignore it but every time I moved a limb one of them would look back and just look me up in down.

I’m not even going to lie, I went into my rude bitch mode for a split second when I pushed pass one of them without saying “excuse me”. Technically she pushed pass me so I was waiting on her, but anyway, I felt bad because honestly I don’t like being mean to people no matter how rude they are to me, so the next couple of times I had to walk passed her I said “excuse me”. Never got a response though, she even had her foot hanging off the seat and she would watch me every time I walked pass. They would laugh when my big fat ass would accidentally bump a desk(my butt isn’t huge, but it’s enough to give me problems through small spaces. Plus I’m a lil clumsy.). And I think they were talking about my physique at one point,by the hand gestures it seemed like they were talking about my gut. After I finished my writing assignment, I went to put my stuff in my over-sized Dereon bag. Once again, one of them looked back and gave me a dirty look. By the way, I know this is off the subject, but I was Dereon’d out today. Everything except the shoes and the jeans (their jeans don’t fit over my thighs). Anyway,at the end of class when I talking to my teacher about my homework assignment, I heard them giggling as I spoke, but tried to tune most of it out.

OK first things first, last time I checked we were in college, not high school. What they were doing was very childish, and out of line. Even if you don’t have your materials, you can’t be acting like that in class. I believe that both of them are older than me by at least a year, that maturity does not show. If I was the scene causing bitch that I was in high school, I would of told them off and called them out in class, but I’m not trying to start any drama with anyone and risk getting kicked out of class. I’m not there for drama, I’m there to get my grades and get a full scholarship to the 4 year college of my choice. So I kept my mouth shut, as bad as I wanted to say something…i didn’t.

But what is it? What did I ever do to them? They don’t even know me and they’re doing this stuff. I hate to say it but, both of them were darker than me. I’m not trying to make a general assumption about the light skin-dark skin topic, just telling the truth. They were both darker than me by at least to shades. They were both smaller than me in size, one was somewhat curvy, but I still had her beat, and the other was just a ruler shape. I’m going to be honest and say that they are both beautiful women, and one of them dresses very nicely. It’s just that it seems like they have that typical “black girl from the hood” stank attitude. They seem rude, judgmental, hypocritical, and confrontational. Just down right ghetto, and I’mma be real, that’s how I usually see dark skin females acting. Not to say that lighter skin women don’t act that way, because they do. I mean don’t get me pissed or my Portsmouth/Norfolk might start to come out. And when I mean come out, I mean my whole personality changes, especially my accent. When that deep country accent comes out, you know you in trouble. But that’s rare, it’s not my all the time personality. But I see black women acting like that all the time.

I’ve made some progress in trying to see black women in a better light. Seeing that all are not the same. Despite what was said on Rate My Professor, my African American studies teacher is very sweet, she kinda reminds me of my step-mother which really isn’t a bad thing anymore. I look at women like Michele Obama who is the complete opposite of my assumptions. I believe that she will become a fashion icon, if she isn’t already. I love the way she dresses, she’s so fierce! That was off topic, but still I loves her! She is what the definition of a strong black woman. She is someone that every young women should look up to. She is poised and well spoken for, and she proves to the world that not all AA women are ghetto.

But even still I’m getting a lot of mess from women, black and white. Is it just be rude to Claudy week or something, because when I was going to get my prescription filled today the lady at the drop off counter was really rude to me. Both of them actually. When one came to help me I noticed her smile turned to a frown when she saw me,and when she asked the other one if they had my medication she said “no” and gave me an evil look. So I went to another pharmacy. This time it was a white lady. I bet she thought that I was going to pull a gun out of my purse or something but she looked scared as hell when I went to get my prescription out my bag. After I gave her my script she didn’t anything else except when it would be ready. That reminds me, I gotta go pick that up. I’ll do it after I finish this.

Earlier in the week, on Monday, I decided that I wanted to treat myself to some ice cream. I was in a really bad mood,and I thought some Coldstone would make me happy. Well it was right before closing when I walked in, and I was greeted by these two black girls who looked like they were around my age. The usual smile to frown happened, but I just shook it off and started looking at what I wanted. While I was debating I could hear them talking about me. Keep in mind I was the only on in line and one of them was long finished serving the customer before me, yet I waited there for like 10 minutes for my order. I ended up leaving because I knew since I was already in a bad mood I was going to cause a scene, and I didn’t want to get kicked out of that Coldstone since my mom and I go there from time to time. When I was leaving I they said “bye” and just started laughing.

What is so funny about me? Why do I make women frown. Why are they women who do these things flat chested? I’m not trying to be mean to flat chested women but one of my guy friends once told me that some flat chested women may be rude to larger chested women because they are jealous. I don’t think that is true. Why would you be jealous of big titties? Oh yeah, it’s great not being able to fit into shirts right or having to buy grandma bras because the cute ones don’t support you. Of course, all women want to go through that!

But for real, do I come off as stuck up? I mean I smile when I talk and when I see someone I know, but my normal face is a Posh-esque evil look. I don’t know and I’m starting not to care. If you don’t like me for no reason then you have problems, not me. I never did anything to you, I don’t even know you like that, so for you to not like me or just be rude to me for no reason is just dumb….wait a minute. I just caught myself being a hypocrite! I say that people who judge people they don’t know have problems, but I do that to a lot of black women….so that means I have problems too. I think I just called myself a dumbass….damn. That needs to be fixed….

Luv Ya!