Life of the College Girl

I Am Trying Really Hard….

Posted on: August 28, 2008

…to change the way I see most black females, but the ones that I am in contact with aren’t really helping me change my views. I mean what the hell!!! I was in class today, and it was these two girls who sat in front of me. They kept looking back at me and whispering throughout the class(why were they able to do that? Because we were doing a writing assignment that required our textbook which they did not have). I tried to ignore it but every time I moved a limb one of them would look back and just look me up in down.

I’m not even going to lie, I went into my rude bitch mode for a split second when I pushed pass one of them without saying “excuse me”. Technically she pushed pass me so I was waiting on her, but anyway, I felt bad because honestly I don’t like being mean to people no matter how rude they are to me, so the next couple of times I had to walk passed her I said “excuse me”. Never got a response though, she even had her foot hanging off the seat and she would watch me every time I walked pass. They would laugh when my big fat ass would accidentally bump a desk(my butt isn’t huge, but it’s enough to give me problems through small spaces. Plus I’m a lil clumsy.). And I think they were talking about my physique at one point,by the hand gestures it seemed like they were talking about my gut. After I finished my writing assignment, I went to put my stuff in my over-sized Dereon bag. Once again, one of them looked back and gave me a dirty look. By the way, I know this is off the subject, but I was Dereon’d out today. Everything except the shoes and the jeans (their jeans don’t fit over my thighs). Anyway,at the end of class when I talking to my teacher about my homework assignment, I heard them giggling as I spoke, but tried to tune most of it out.

OK first things first, last time I checked we were in college, not high school. What they were doing was very childish, and out of line. Even if you don’t have your materials, you can’t be acting like that in class. I believe that both of them are older than me by at least a year, that maturity does not show. If I was the scene causing bitch that I was in high school, I would of told them off and called them out in class, but I’m not trying to start any drama with anyone and risk getting kicked out of class. I’m not there for drama, I’m there to get my grades and get a full scholarship to the 4 year college of my choice. So I kept my mouth shut, as bad as I wanted to say something…i didn’t.

But what is it? What did I ever do to them? They don’t even know me and they’re doing this stuff. I hate to say it but, both of them were darker than me. I’m not trying to make a general assumption about the light skin-dark skin topic, just telling the truth. They were both darker than me by at least to shades. They were both smaller than me in size, one was somewhat curvy, but I still had her beat, and the other was just a ruler shape. I’m going to be honest and say that they are both beautiful women, and one of them dresses very nicely. It’s just that it seems like they have that typical “black girl from the hood” stank attitude. They seem rude, judgmental, hypocritical, and confrontational. Just down right ghetto, and I’mma be real, that’s how I usually see dark skin females acting. Not to say that lighter skin women don’t act that way, because they do. I mean don’t get me pissed or my Portsmouth/Norfolk might start to come out. And when I mean come out, I mean my whole personality changes, especially my accent. When that deep country accent comes out, you know you in trouble. But that’s rare, it’s not my all the time personality. But I see black women acting like that all the time.

I’ve made some progress in trying to see black women in a better light. Seeing that all are not the same. Despite what was said on Rate My Professor, my African American studies teacher is very sweet, she kinda reminds me of my step-mother which really isn’t a bad thing anymore. I look at women like Michele Obama who is the complete opposite of my assumptions. I believe that she will become a fashion icon, if she isn’t already. I love the way she dresses, she’s so fierce! That was off topic, but still I loves her! She is what the definition of a strong black woman. She is someone that every young women should look up to. She is poised and well spoken for, and she proves to the world that not all AA women are ghetto.

But even still I’m getting a lot of mess from women, black and white. Is it just be rude to Claudy week or something, because when I was going to get my prescription filled today the lady at the drop off counter was really rude to me. Both of them actually. When one came to help me I noticed her smile turned to a frown when she saw me,and when she asked the other one if they had my medication she said “no” and gave me an evil look. So I went to another pharmacy. This time it was a white lady. I bet she thought that I was going to pull a gun out of my purse or something but she looked scared as hell when I went to get my prescription out my bag. After I gave her my script she didn’t anything else except when it would be ready. That reminds me, I gotta go pick that up. I’ll do it after I finish this.

Earlier in the week, on Monday, I decided that I wanted to treat myself to some ice cream. I was in a really bad mood,and I thought some Coldstone would make me happy. Well it was right before closing when I walked in, and I was greeted by these two black girls who looked like they were around my age. The usual smile to frown happened, but I just shook it off and started looking at what I wanted. While I was debating I could hear them talking about me. Keep in mind I was the only on in line and one of them was long finished serving the customer before me, yet I waited there for like 10 minutes for my order. I ended up leaving because I knew since I was already in a bad mood I was going to cause a scene, and I didn’t want to get kicked out of that Coldstone since my mom and I go there from time to time. When I was leaving I they said “bye” and just started laughing.

What is so funny about me? Why do I make women frown. Why are they women who do these things flat chested? I’m not trying to be mean to flat chested women but one of my guy friends once told me that some flat chested women may be rude to larger chested women because they are jealous. I don’t think that is true. Why would you be jealous of big titties? Oh yeah, it’s great not being able to fit into shirts right or having to buy grandma bras because the cute ones don’t support you. Of course, all women want to go through that!

But for real, do I come off as stuck up? I mean I smile when I talk and when I see someone I know, but my normal face is a Posh-esque evil look. I don’t know and I’m starting not to care. If you don’t like me for no reason then you have problems, not me. I never did anything to you, I don’t even know you like that, so for you to not like me or just be rude to me for no reason is just dumb….wait a minute. I just caught myself being a hypocrite! I say that people who judge people they don’t know have problems, but I do that to a lot of black women….so that means I have problems too. I think I just called myself a dumbass….damn. That needs to be fixed….

Luv Ya!

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6 Responses to "I Am Trying Really Hard…."

you must go to savannah state!!! lol i feel you honey!!!

wow are you ever surrounded by jerks! who pissed in their haterade I wonder… It shouldn’t even matter if you come across ‘stuck up’ or not, why are they so concerned with what a stranger does? I think men run the world because women are so busy trying to destroy each other that we can’t get our own shit together

There may be some truth to that small-chesteds hating on large-chested theory; I was watching some show once where this woman with big boobs was talking about how she was so self-conscious of them that she wore big sweatshirts and turtlenecks to cover them up since she was like 12. It took her years to get over that, and one day she decided to wear a v-neck sweater while traveling. She was sitting in her seat on an airplane minding her own business when another woman walked past her in the aisle and said something like “why do women with big tits have to shove them in everyone’s face all the time?” She said this, out loud, though not directly to her, just as she walked by really fast… So I bet this may be part of it. Maybe you can take comfort in the fact that they’re so jealous they can’t keep a straight face?

For one those girls in your class do sound very immature. I know sometimes it can be very hard to keep your cool when ppl are being idiots but, continue to stand tall and ignore them. I’m quite sure that everyone else noticed their behavior as well. So you weren’t the only one noticing the foolishness! Honey, just do you. people are going to talk about you until you die and even when you’re dead they’ll still be talking. When they’re talking you must be doing something right.

stop worrying about what other folk think about you or you will depressed forever. Be you and be proud of that! God only made one of YOU, bask in your uniqueness!! Be blessed homegul

One of my friend travelled to your country and she told me that she found African American women Really agressive, they are always want to fight and give you the evil eye. I’ve heard comments like that before. And reality shows like flavor of love, African American have a BAD reputation.

mm hmmm. It’s so true. and the saddest part is that women get it worst from other women…smh…how come being pleasant is so hard? it should just be second nature.

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