Life of the College Girl

I Have A Problem with (most) Black Women….

Posted on: July 31, 2008

It’s time for me to admit it. I can’t hold it back anymore, I do not like most black women. I say most, because I have a few black female friends that I can relate to and aren’t so quick to judge me and I love them for that. But the rest, like if I don’t actually get to know them, I think that they are all the same and I shy away from interacting with them. It’s not like I’m happy being this way, because I’m not. I hate being this way, it’s like how can I dislike what I am? It’s ridiculous, i know, but let tell you what led me to thinking this way.

Not Your Average Lil Black Girl
Well, before my neighborhood became “da hood” again, it was a very pleasant neighborhood, and a lot of white people lived their,thus making my first 2 best friends white girls. I never really related to black girls. We didn’t dress the same, didn’t listen to the same type of music, I just wasn’t your typical lil black girl.

Middle School
It wasn’t until middle school that I got my first black best friend (if things would of went as planned I could of added “/ step-sister” to that, but that’s another story). Actually I have a whole group of black female friends in middle school. I soon realized that most of them weren’t really my friends at all. One ended up telling just about the whole entire school about an intimate incident that happened with me and this guy I had a crush on. I didn’t think she realized it at the time, but that ended up following me all the way up to high school and triggered a chain of rumors about me and various sports team, which were never true. But I’ll talk about that when I get there. Within the group of friend that I had, there were girls who hated me, for what? I have no idea, but they did. 2 of them I ended up fighting. One of them I ended up fighting twice. Another girl in the group of my so-called friends, got mad at me over something and ended up calling me a hoe among other things. Basically by the time I left middle school I only had 2 of the about 10 friends that I began with.

High School
High school was worse. I started out the school year the bad girl…lol. Really I was, but I was also a Flag Girl. The summer before I started my freshman year I tried out for my high school’s flag team, and ended up getting the highest score in auditions. Nobody on the team knew I was a freshman though…I thought that was funny. Anyway there were these 2 females,black, who just used to give me a hard time for no reason. They would just be rude to me, one of them was captain and she just treated me like dirt. Her and her sidekick. The next year I ended up quitting the flag team, not because of them, but because that wasn’t where my heart was, it was in cheerleading.

Cheerleading
So I became a cheerleader, I didn’t think that they would be some of the cattiest chicks on earth. I spent 3.5 years cheering. My freshman year, because of flag, I didn’t begin cheering until basketball season. I made Varsity. That first half year wasn’t really that bad,I got along with almost everyone. There was this one girl who thought that I was trying to talk to her boyfriend, she ended up disliking me for all 3.5 years.

My second year cheering I was on Junior Varsity, I assume because I let my grades slip, but I made captain. That summer during camp, I became acquainted with some of the football players. By acquainted I mean one of them was trying to get me into their car after practice one day. For what? I have….a clue, but I had a boyfriend at the time so I wasn’t going anywhere with him. Later that night I get a called from one of the cheerleaders asking me about that same dude. They must of seen me talking with him earlier. They asked me if I thought he was cute, and I said yes, just thinking at the time that it was harmless girl talk. The next day at practice, everyone was pissed at everyone,and most of them were pissed at me. I later found out that they thought that I had sex with this guy. I didn’t,but I don’t know why they would get up set at me, 50% of the team slept with him. I never did, he wasn’t my type…lol.I believe that this incident is the reason why the next 3 years were filled with hostility.

The Step Team
The Step Team never liked me. Wait, I can’t lie, I was kinda cool with a few of them starting out, but then there was an incident where this guy was trying to talk to me, but dating a girl on the step team at the same time, and they just all ganged up on me at a football game. I mean this didn’t even concern them, and they came at me like they wanted to fight me. As you would assume, they were all black. The accused me of “rubbing my chest on him” I gave the dude a hug, I’m sorry I just can’t take my DD breast off when I hug dudes, but they’re going to touch him when I hug him…it’s uncontrollable.

There was also an incident my freshman year when 2 of them wanted to jump because of an incident that happened in middle school. That thing that I said my friend told everyone about. They tried to tell me it wasn’t true (technically it wasn’t, but for the most part it was), but I wasn’t trying to hear that, so the threaten to jump me.

The Rumors
I honestly don’t know how the rumors about me and the Football and Basketball teams started. Ok,maybe the basketball one. I had a crush on one of the players and would of did anything to get next to him, but as for the football team. I didn’t like them, they didn’t like me, so how the hell did I sleep with them? Plus they never won a game!!!! C’mon now, if I’mma sleep with a whole team, it would be one with a state ring. Or at least one that qualified for districts. If I wanted to sleep with a whole team I would of went down the street to Landstown. But I wasn’t like that, so I didn’t.

Basketball team however, our bball team was good. There were a couple of cute guys on our team. By a couple I mean 98%,and the other 2% weren’t even ugly, they just weren’t as desirable. Even the coach was fine. If I was loose like people said I was I would of been in the locker room butt naked after school waiting on them. But I was way too shy in high school to do something like that. I mean I didn’t have a crush on the star player, who didn’t? But mine lasted all of the 3 years I went to school with him, up until now. I think I wrote a entry about the last time I saw him a couple of months ago. I almost passed out. I wonder if he’s reading this, if so, I wouldn’t mind dating him..hint hint…hit me up on Facebook….lol!

College Freshman
As you all know, I decided to go to an HBCU. You all know what happened at this HBCU, if you don’t, check my archives. Anyway, this is when I actually started trusting some black women again. I gained so many friends, so much support,and on top of that both of my favorite teachers were black females. My roommate, I love her. She was one of the sweetest people I have ever met,and to be honest I was kinda nervous at first about sharing a room with another girl, because of my past. However, I had a lot of females who were just out to hurt me. If you read back to some of my post from February, the comments and everything. Most of them were from black females and most of them were so mean. They would act as though they are completely immune from making terrible mistakes. They would say some of the harshest things to me, and it would hurt because those were my own people. Young Black females, just like me and they were saying some of the rudest things. I’m not saying that they shouldn’t have been mad at me, hell I was mad at me, but all the name calling was completely out of hand,especially since most of them were just as bad as me.

If you read some of my older entries you could see that I had a lot of hatred towards my own race. At that time, I really did hate my race, and was ashamed of being a black women just because of the way they treated me. On top of all that, one of my older sisters cut me off completely. And that hurt more than anything. To think that I ruined my relationship with one of my own siblings, one that was already on the rocks.

As of Right Now…
I have a female friend that I feel really close to. She’s black,and I feel like I can relate to her. She doesn’t know about how I feel,but I think it’s becoming more obvious seeing the way I react with some of the black females that come into the store. Depending on their appearance , sometimes I would refuse to speak or even help them. It hurts me that I do these things. I’m not one of those people who are like “oh I hate blacks and I’m proud of it” I’m not. I want to change. That’s why I wrote this book on my life, so I can change and move on. Maybe with the help of you all.

I’m watching the preview to The Real Housewives of Atlanta, and they just seem so powerful and determined, and most of all…They have confidence in their selves. Something I really need to have. I need to start to love myself,and figure out the reasons why I am the way I am and how I can fix them. Then I can truly follow my dreams and become the successful I always wanted to be.

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6 Responses to "I Have A Problem with (most) Black Women…."

Hi,
I can feel your pain. I am an African-American woman as well and I have been mistreated and picked on when I lived in the projects. The difference is, I have met mean, skanky white women and mean, skanky black women. Honestly, I just think we as women can be cruel to each other. It really sucks because it is a waste of tine, but some people are mean, jealous, insecure and only know what they have learned. Just to let you know, I am not like other African-American women. I don’t put value on the same things like looks, rich men and being a diva. NOW don’t get me wrong, I don’t think all Black women are like that, but I’ve met quite a few in my lifetime. I am getting too old for the catty crap. If you don’t talk about me behind my back, let me what’s on your mind so I am not guessing and respect boundaries (Ie, don’t hang alone with my husband, not cool) I would be pretty cool with any woman. It may even turn into a friendship. I hope you meet some nice black women or just women in general.

I too agree with you in some regards, I was always that black girl who got along well with white people and because of that the few black people in my life throughout my elementary, middle, and highschool days, generally disliked me. I can’t count how many times I’ve been called “white washed”, and what exactly that means, but I always took it in stride. I’m black, I love being a black female, I wouldn’t want it any other way, I think we are some of the strongest women on this planet and I’m not afraid to stand up and say that, but by the same token I think we have been too heavily influenced by the anglo saxonate culture, and thus lost ourselves in it.Often times forgetting what makes us distinctly different and thereby causing feelings such as your own. I don’t know if it ever occured to you that perhaps these girls were jealous, maybe you were the girl they wanted to be or look like, who got all the atttention from the males. Whatever it may be its not just cause to hate us, to hate you. Fine you don’t like how some black women are, I don’t either, so I’ve made it my lifelong goal to not perpetuate negative stereotypes…I’m going to be me, do me and embrace me always and forever, and whomever doesnt like that, can promptly be dismissed from my presence. Trust and believe, not all black women act as those you’ve unfortunately come into contact with, a lot of us carry ourselves with dignity integrity and self respect, not afraid to declare our african roots, speak the finest and most grammatically correct english you’ve ever heard, and yet still able to cook better than most white people, and not afraid to defend our own, even if it means pulling our hair up and taking out our earrings. Embrace you blackness darling, cause there are so many who would, and probably are paying to be, look, and act just like you

Cool. It took almost a day to find this info. Thanks! Good job. 🙂

Hi there! {waves}

Thank you for writing about these issues.

You are more than welcome to stop by my blog anytime and join in the conversations!

Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!
Lisa

I truly hope that you find inspiration in REAL black women who have fought and died for you to live in a “neighborhood before it was the hood” and who work multiple jobs to suppoet their families instead of loud, tacky wives of uneducated (though they went to college) athletes! If you find inspiration in the so-called Real Housewives of Atlanta then you are insane!

I think the one lesson that many people miss is that you should never judge another person based on their race! That includes thinking that you know automatically how another will treat you, just based on their race. As another commentator wrote, bad people, rumors and just pure hate comes from all people Asians, Hispanics, Whites, Blacks, Indians from India, etc.. I have had it all from all of the races I have listed above. As I did then, I do now, I give everyone a clean canvas and allow them to paint their own picture to me. You win this way because you will find yourself having a lot of cool people in your life based on what they have given to you and proved to you. I do not GIVE my friendship to anyone, it must be earned!

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