Life of the College Girl

I Think I’m Slowly Snapping Back| Responding To Comments…

Posted on: April 29, 2008

I think I’m slowly getting back to my old self. I did a lot of emotional cleansing throughout these past couple of weeks, actually going and googling my name,reading what people said about me on message boards, had to curse out someone on facebook, who had the nerve to IM me calling me outside my name and what not. After all that, after all the crying,after everything I’ve been through here at school, I began to think…..Why am I getting all bent out of shape over this? Something that happened in the past? I mean I almost poured a drink on a girl in the canteen yesterday because she said something, but then I stopped myself,and thought about it. That this girl must feel really bad about herself,that she has to talk about my life,and like the rest of yesterday and today I just kept that in mind for everyone that I heard talking about me. They don’t have anything else to do, so they talk about me to past the time. I never did anything to them personally, I’m one of the sweetest girl you would ever meet unless you get on my bad side, so they have to reason to say they don’t like me. I believe that most of those girls were just jealous of me from the start and now after this incident they finally have something to pin on me and they took it and ran with it… yeah I don’t care anymore.

I’ve also been reading a lot of celebrity blogs and message boards, and seeing how people talk about celebs, especially my inspiration, Miss Kim Kardashian. I mean I want to be an actress, I’m going to have to deal with this on a regular basis if I make it big. I’m going to have to get tough skin, or else I won’t make it in the entertainment industry. I need to realize that no matter what, there are always going to be haters, always going to be people who disapprove, and I can’t do anything about it…..

….So yeah that’s my rant…lol…not really a rant but anyway……

Ok, part duex of this 2 part blog entry. I read my comments. Yeah, I know, it’s shocking! lol…but a lot of your comments have helped a lot, the positive ones, but as you know, I have to take the and take the bad…’s the facts of life…the facts of life…lol! But yeah, I took the bad as well, it got me mad,so! Anyway, I think I’m going to respond to the ones from my last entry, so yeah enjoy! said…

Damn…I know shit seems rough right now, but remember that God never puts more on your shoulders than you can handle. It’s not the end of the world, and things WILL get better.

One thing I do suggest is that you talk to a therapist or counselor. From the sound of things, it can’t hurt to get a professional’s help. If you can write about it here, you can definitely say what you’re going through to someone who knows how to help you through it.

I recently lost my father to suicide,an then my uncle to complications from surgery, just four days after Dad’s funeral. I wrote about my father’s death on my blog, hoping that it will help families who lost loved ones this way, and also those who might be suffering from depression. Here’s the URL, just so you know that you’re not the only one going through trials and tribulations right now:

Be strong, and remember that there are people out there who can help you with what you’re feeling.

To Listento Leon:
I read the blog entry that you left the link to. It really touched me, and it really changed my thought process at the time. Honestly, I think it help with my snapping back. I read over it a couple times. Just reading how your father’s death hurt you and your family, it really made me give a second thought to what I was planning to do. I’m so sorry about what happened to you father and your uncle. You are such a strong person and I admire you for that.

Ms.P said…

I’ve been reading your blog for a while and even commented before (unde a different name). When are you going to get tired of trying to please everyone?! When get tired of trying, then and only then can you move forward with your life. You made a mistake, get over it and live with the backlash or hold your head up and keep it moving. You never know what the future may hold and for anyone to tell you otherwise is a fool. Love yourself young lady and learn from your errant ways.

Regardless if you knew the camera was on or not, it was and it is there. I’m sure as I type this there’s someone else doing the same thing that you did or far worse. You may have enjoyed what you were doing but you got busted with the tape. Now what? MOVE ON. It’s going to hurt from embarrassment (in which it should) but you can bounce back from it and move on. Like another poster said, if people see that you are letting them get to you, they will continue to treat you the way they are currently treating you.

Never let them see what hand your are playing. You’ve got to learn how to play the game and deal with the repercussions. I’m sure many of them have their own issues but we are speaking about yours. Hold your head up and strive to right the wrong you’ve created. You don’t have to prove it to anyone except yourself.

To Ms. P
Thank you so much. I think you’re right. I want everyone to be my friend, but I gotta realize that that can’t happen. It never dawned on me that the reason why its been so bad is because people know that I’m hurting. I just need to control my temper, because every time I yell or scream at somebody, that’s entertainment for them. Guess I need to study TMZ or something,and just keep my mouth shut,huh? lol. But again thank you, this one and I think I remember the other one you wrote, they really help.

Ok these next ones are all under anonymous, so I’ll just clump them together. I know I shouldn’t respond to them, but in old Claudette Jameson fashion…I’m going to do it anyway….I get a kick out of it…lol

Anonymous said…

I feel sorry for you on loosing your grandmother but not anything else. On that video you clearly heard the guy say he is video recording. Like I said earlier all a company has to google and your skin flick is online forever. If I was your father I would beat the F*** out of you and make you standout on the corner with a sign saying I SUCK ANY MANS DICK. Now you want to end your life because of a STUPID mistake you made. You are a freshman what did you think that two guys wanted to invite you over for soda and a movie think again. The answer is not end your life but come to grips if what you did. The punishment will be there everyday you usae the Internet or look at a movie.

Anonymous said…

bitch you talk to much go make some more porn

Anonymous said…

You can try to hide your face it’s too late. For as long as the Internet is around we can find you. Listentoleon and Ms. P feeling sorry for you well don’t. The white people are saying damn told you about those niggers. You are living up to the image mentioned by the media. If you want to suck dicks thats up to you. Stop putting your dirty laundry on the Internet learn when to shut your mouth.

Wooo, let me see where to start….Yeah I made a mistake, he said what he said, I said what I said, we did what we did. Remember all of this is past tense. Like I said I wish I can go back in my time machine and change everything, but I can’t and one that note I need to get over it,and move past it, and that’s what I’m doing. Imma need for you to move past it, and get over it yourself….I mean, yeah nobody held a gun to my head and told me to do what I did, but nobody forced you to watch it…lol…I mean yeah it’s on the internet but that doesn’t mean you got to watch it, you made that choice yourself. I mean that 2 girls 1 cup thing is online, but did I watch it no, did you watch it? Probably….it’s all about choices. I made a wrong one, and you make a…um…odd one? I mean how old are you n you want to see a barely legal college freshman perform oral sex on a dude? I mean don’t you have anything else to do?

To the one who told me I talk too much, I sorry it’s so hard for you to comprehend most of the big words I write. Or if my thoughts are too advanced for you to understand. Maybe you should do something with your life. I mean really. I really feel sorry for you, especially if you are older than me, talking this craziness. I really hope your my age because if you’re older than me….tsk,tsk…that’s sad….

Ok let me finish this off in 5 minutes or less, I got class in a few….Last person, please don’t talk about me contributing to how people see blacks in the media. I really think Madea is doing more harm than my lil flick. You wanna talk about how blacks are portrayed? How about this, Baltimore alone had 200, or 300+ homicides in 2007. Majority of them by black males. Black on black crime. I have had friends robbed and beat up by people of their own race. Black drug dealers, dealing to their own community, and you want to say that my lil video is ruining the way white people see blacks. Lets talk about all those black women who can’t wait until they 18 so that they can be a porn star. Getting paid for the shit that I fucked up and did. Let’s talk about middle school, elementary school even, children having sex in classrooms. And I’m ruining the way whites see black people. I mean at least my vid isn’t on BET for all including children to see, like these music videos. Question: Do you have children? Do they know the Soulja Boy dance? I advise that you listen to the words of the songs that you and your children listen to before you try and tell me what I did, ruined Black America, because more people have heard Soulja Boy say “Super soak that hoe” than they did me saying “Fuck these hoes”.

I leave you with this quote from Jay z, or who ever he took it
” Only God can judge me so I’m gone, either love me or leave me alone!”

Let me get my ass to class…lol….luv ya’ll!!


1 Response to "I Think I’m Slowly Snapping Back| Responding To Comments…"

Glad to hear you’re doing better. It really means a lot to me, knowing that my decision to write about the situation with my Dad has actually helped people.

Regarding the negativity, the internet gives a lot of people something thay I like to call keyboard courage. It allows cowardly people to say all kinds of hateful and hurtful shit without having to identify themselves or face repercussions. It’s basically like sucker-punching someone, only it’s even MORE bitch-assed, because it came from someone random person sitting on his or her ass in front of a monitor.

So don’t sweat those people who would probably NEVER say any of this stuff to your face, but once they get home to their computer, drink a big glass of tough juice and all of a sudden have something to say.

I think Blogger allows you to disable anonymous comments…At least that way, the mean people will have to take the extra step of making up a screenname before talking shit!

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