Life of the College Girl

Scared….

Posted on: April 23, 2008

I’m find it hard as hell to write this speech. Not because it’s hard to research. This has to be one of the easiest to research to me, but it’s because it’s scaring the hell out of me. Being able to relate to the people I’m writing about. I have so much in common with those 2 people, but honestly in my mind I don’t think I would anything like that. I really don’t….

…I just feel like I’m destined to be one of those crazy people who will never lose their virginity, never be loved,and never get married. I am yet to find that special someone that I can really call the one, and I think it’s mainly my fault. What I have done, I’m still wondering why I did it, and even though I try my hardest to put it behind me, I can’t right now. I’ve tried, but it just keeps coming up. How I ruined my own life, ruined any chance for me finding love,and being happy. I ruined my chances of losing my virginity to someone who loves me, I think the only way I will is if I get raped. I’m so afraid of myself right now, although I walk around with a smile I’m never happy. I’m always sleepy because I take sleeping pills every night, if I need them or not,to help me sleep through the night….

….I feel like nobody really knows the real me. I feel like I’m trapped in, like I can’t breathe here, I can’t scream here, I feel like an animal caged in and I can’t get out. 3 more weeks until I leave and start over again. I never want to come back here ever again, and I definately don’t wanna stay. I couldn’t take it here another semester….nobody relates to me….

…Everybody can tell me that I need to go get help, but help only does so much. I need love….I need attention….I need someone to care for me, hold me, kiss me, and understand the real me. Thought I think that what I’m looking for is right under my nose, I’m still afraid, I’m afraid of being hurt. I don’t want to cry anymore…..I just want to be loved…..who will love me?

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