Life of the College Girl

Sex…What About It?

Posted on: April 8, 2008

Something that is presented to us the majority of the time as something so positive and so accepted,but at the same time be so negative and sinful when it’s done. The basis of double standards(i.e. A man can have sex with a lot of girls and be a stud, yet if a girl does the same thing she’s a hoe.) Why is this such a touchy subject that parents fear talking to their children about it? “Don’t have sex” should be in the same category as “don’t do drugs”,but it usually isn’t because parents are way too afraid to talk about it…..

….I learned about sex from off the streets, the television,and a lil bit in class,but not much. The one thing that stuck out in my mind,however, is that vaginal penetration hurts the first time, thus the reason why I haven’t had sex yet. I hate pain….

….It is rumored that I lost my virginity when I was in middle school. A rumor started by me,when in reality he could barely get it in before I ran out the room and went home. That rumor followed me from 8th grade to graduation,and because no one would believe otherwise, I kept it up. I actually thought it was funny that I was labeled a hoe based off of something I did years ago. This rumor helped to support other rumors of me sleeping with the whole foorball and basketball team, which disgusted me and may be the reason why very few of the guys off of those teams interacted with me. I managed to keep my legs closed throughout high school,but due to the way I spoke and the way I wrote,and how I acted, it wasn’t hard for a person to think otherwise….

….Basically what I’m saying is, although I have never been very sexually active, the way that I acted towards males made it seem as though I was. I would act that way for attention,any I could get. There was a time when I was desperate to lose my virginity assuming that the only reason why a guy I liked was with a certain girl was because she would have sex with him. I still have that mindset,but today I’m not acting as “out there” as I used to since so many people are watching me just to see if I would prove their point. So I cut myself off from my friends to prevent myself from acting like myself, because that is, if I like it or not, my personality. That’s my character,and it’ll be hard for me to change that….

….I believe that my personality along with the fact that I’m severely over weight and my choice of style are reasons why I can’t find a man. Oh must I not forget my reputation of being the school slut who sleeps with everyone,and the fact that I’m a virgin….yeah…I’m still trying to figure that out….but I think that”s the reason….

….But I really don’t care anymore, I mean I have too much to do the have a boyfriend, but it would be nice to have that certain special person on your arm. I blew my chances with that last guy,and yes, believe it or not,I’m still sick over that. I still find it eerie that the day after I ask him if he wants to be my boyfriend he suddenly stops texting me saying he’s been busy. He’s been busy since we started talking 3 weeks ago,but now he magically too busy to even text to see how I’m doing? I mean it just seems suspicious, very suspicious,and it’s like he doesn’t want to tell me the reason, or the fact that he’s actually interested in someone else. I mean that would of been better than lying to me. I hate that, I mean why lie? Why? You could just tell me the truth, it would of been so much easier for me. I could be eating by now rather than laying in bed not being able to eat thinking that your ass lied to me and is talking to someone else. JUST TELL ME I’M NOT YOUR TYPE!!! You had to of known that way before you started talking to me, emphasis on the YOU STARTED TALKING TO ME, I wasn’t even going to answer the phone,I done forgot who your friend was, I thought that he was just another one of those dudes that were prank calling me or was trying to get me for one night, even though it came to light that he was, I started talking to you thinking you were a nice guy. I guess I was wrong. Oh well……I should of known…..That’s why I don’t trust guys now,and it hurts that I actually trusted you, never again……..

….Maybe I’m over reacting, I don’t know, but that’s just how it feels to me. It’s like the same cycle over and over again. It’s to the point that I just don’t want to talk to anybody, anymore, I just want to keep to myself, make people feel sorry for hurting me the way they did. Make them hurt for killing me on the inside. I don’t feel alive anymore, I really don’t,I feel like I’m just going through the motions and not really acting it out. I just don’t care anymore. If it wasn’t for me transferring I wouldn’t even go to class anymore, but I have to pass my classes. I don’t feel like getting out of bed sometimes….it’s like I’m beat down emotionally and mentally, I’m through fighting this battle, I’m going to surrender. What’s the use of having shotguns when they have tanks on the other side……..


1 Response to "Sex…What About It?"

Don’t ever ask a guy if he wants to be your boyfriend or anything like that okay? If a guy wants you, he’ll let u know without you even asking. You need to know/talk to somebody a whole lot longer than 3 weeks before you should make that kind of decision anyway. 3 weeks is too soon. No offense, but that makes you seem desperate, and that’s a big turn off for anybody. Don’t be too hard on yourself though. He’s just one guy. It’s other fish in the sea.

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