Life of the College Girl

What The Hell is my Problem???

Posted on: April 3, 2008

We don’t text each other for one day and I’m pissed….what the hell? Maybe because I’m used to it. Whenever I do something like I did yesterday,sooner or later they stop talking to me. I hate this! What am I doing wrong. Maybe I need to loose weight. I’m going to cut out some more calories. I’ve already cut out a few since I gain like 10 pounds over spring break. I only eat like twice a day now and drink a lot of water and green tea. I may have to go back to eating sandwiches, or just eating once…..I don’t know. I just know I need to lose weight…..I should just quit eating all together, get on some type of appetite surpressant or something, that’s how I lost it before,but I got really sick. But it was worth it because I lost 20 pounds….but I don’t want to lose that much, maybe just ten…..

….I hate eating sometimes, it doesn’t do anything for me but make me fat,and unattractive from the neck down…..

…I’m just sad today. I feel like I did something wrong, I really do believe that I messed up again. I messed up everything. I mean he was perfect, everything I wanted, I should of just kept my mouth closed. I should of never said anything……

…I can’t even focus on anything now, except my image, and the mistake I made,and everything else that has been going on. I just want to go home a shut myself off from the rest of the world. Just stay in my room, not going out, not doing anything,just being secluded. I really don’t want to be around anyone anymore….I just want to be alone. I don’t want to be around guys anymore, I’m so afraid to catch feeling for anyone now,because I know I’m just going to mess it up……

…I’m not used to having a silent phone all day. It just makes me feel even worst,so I’m just going to turn it off for the rest of the night, maybe for the rest of the day. But I use my alarm on my phone though….I’ll just turn it on for that….

….I don’t want to talk to anyone anymore, I just want to be alone…I just want to sleep, I don’t even want to go to classes…I want to be left alone,and not interact with anybody. I was supposed to be working at this play to get my lab hours but I may have to wait till next week because I don’t have a white shirt, I don’t wear white shirts….I really don’t care if I fail that class anymore….I don’t care about anything anymore…..

….Why am I so sad? I don’t know, I refuse to think this is all over a guy, but you know how I get after rejection, I should be used to it by now but I’m not. And it sucks because I did the stupid decision of cutting off all my other guy friends for him. I’m such an idiot! Now they don’t even talk to me anymore….it’s hard because I only like a certain type of guy, and I’m very picky and 99% of the time, the guy I’m attracted to isn’t attracted to me. I thought he was the 1%…I guess I was wrong, but let me stop. I bet he reads this,So he knows I have problems. I wouldn’t want to talk to a person like me either…..oh well

….I guess I’ll just go to sleep….goodnight

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