Life of the College Girl

I Hope and Pray….

Posted on: March 10, 2008

that somebody has been in the shower for 3 hours. Really, because one of the shower stalls in my quad has been running since I woke up this morning. It’s ridiculous! From just looking at my bathroom,I can tell that some of the chicks that I live with do not have any home training what so ever! I mean at least flush the fucking toilet, you were taught that at age 3 or earlier. Clean up after yourself,and don’t leave food and hair in the sink, people brush they teeth and wash their face in those sinks!!! And I mean why keep the shower running for no reason at all? Water is not free,and these are going to be the same people who complain about room and board prices going up. Like for real, we are supposed to be girls,women,young ladies,act like it. I understand if it was dude ,I would sort of expect it from them, but girls? Come on people!!!

What else? Oh I’m counting the days till I go back home. I miss home so much!! I don’t what it is but I just been very aggravated lately. It’s like everything pisses me off to the point that I just had to get away yesterday. So I went a eatin’! Ruby Tuesday’s,Coldstone’s,and Chipotle. Let’s just say I’m paying for it today..lol. By the end of the night, however, I was very relaxed. I watched The Simpsons, King of the Hill, Keeping up with the Kardashians,and topped it off with some vintage South Park(The one when they poop out their mouths).

I know it’s weird,but every time I see Dash and Smooch on The the Kardashian’s show, it just inspires me to work harder towards me store. It’s to the point that I’m planning on changing my major from Sociology to Business. I still want to minor in Sociology ,however. Plus I don’t think the school I’m transferring to has theater as a major. I just go to an acting school for that. I just really wanna get this store off the ground, it’s my dream as of right now and I really want it so I’m going to work hard for it……

….I’m just soooo tired. I guess after my appointment I’ll take a lil nap,and then start on my homework. I need to make a copy of that study guide for my friend. But I know it’s going to cost money and I have no cash on me whatsoever…..I guess I’ll find a way..

…But for real though, I just haven’t been in the mood to talk to anybody lately. I just want to be secluded. Like except for class and eating,I really don’t feel like leaving my room. I don’t even feel like reading my Facebook messages, I just don’t feel like talking to anybody. I feel like my emotions are just going through a downward,and very dangerous spiral. I’ve been very emotional lately. Sometimes sad,other times happy and over confident,and other times annoyed or extremely angry to the point that I think about stuff. I think I do need help, but I just don’t have the time. I want to wait until the summer,but then there is this little thing called a job that I have to get in order to pay for my tuition,and a month in a mental hospital is not going to get my tuition paid. But I know I need to do something, because if you only knew what went on in my mind, a lot of people would think twice before they messed with me, because I’m very quiet. I’m quiet because I’m thinking, or I’m writing down my thoughts. People think that I am weak but I am far from it. The reason why I don’t jump to fight just anybody is because I’m not a fighter anymore. I used to fight and in the back of my mind I didn’t want that person to get up when I was done with them. Basically I fight to kill. If I really want to fight a person, that means that I want to kill them,and I am not a murderer so I quit fighting. Plus you know I got my ass beat ONCE….lol…but that was because I refused to fight that person. But now I have so much built up anger that if someone really hit me and they weren’t playing…..I would try and harm them very badly…….

…People are so ignorant! I can’t stand ignorant people,especially if they are in college. It shows that they are wasting their money, or their parent’s money. I mean go read a book or something. I may have did some wild thing during my first semester but I kept my grades up, I didn’t fail any of my classes,and I did my work. I mean I understand if you had a bad first semester and your are trying really hard to get your grades up, but if you’re not doing anything, then why are you here? Why would you pay thousands of dollars to go somewhere and do the same thing you were doing at home for free? Get something out of college. Learn something! Go to class! Be productive! Or at least join a club, some club. I mean I’m even in a club on campus, it’s not hard to do. Like when I’m in school,I like to stay active in something, be it a club,a sport,an event. I went to the AIDS lock-in last semester just to show my face and get some information,a free water bottle,some candy,and a bunch of condoms. I’m more than like going to the Pageant tonight. Just be aware of what’s going on in your school. So many people are so into all the bad things and the negativity around us that the positives mean nothing! People want to say all these negative things about me,yet can never fix their mouths to say something good. It’s not hard since my good over powers my bad. For example, I won the sportsmanship award in 2006 for cheerleading,I’m an active member of my Universities Sociology club who is putting together a conference on Black men sometime after spring break. I always help out when I can. I’m a giving person, whatever my friends need, if I have it,I’ll give it. I’m a very caring person,and it’s not in my nature to be mean,or angry. That’s why when I lose friends, I get upset because I don’t know what I did wrong……

(going to swahili, finish when I return…)

…now please, tell me all the negatives things about me. I know my haters are going tohave a field day because all they do is point out my flaws. That’s why you never see them post comments on the positive posts that I make. They always go back in the archives to a post where I’m calling someone out,and comment on that. Telling me that I’m a bad representation of a black women,and that they fear that fact that I may become someone’s mother one day. I say to them…FEAR IT! Because my children are going to do great things in our society. They are going to be scholars, business owners,respected people,because they saw and heard about what their mother went through when she was young and naive. I’ll even let them read this blog. They’ll know not to make the same mistakes that their mother did and grow up to be great people. So yes, I say fear me becoming a mother one day because my children are going to be the people running this country….well except for the one bad seed who will want to play sports…in that case,I see Heisman trophies, championships rings,and a Super Bowl MVP coming your way…lol…..

….People wonder why black people aren’t close and tight knit,why we have discrimination within our own race. It’s because we are so quick to judge rather than uplift are brothers and sisters. Some are just hypocritical. They preach the words of the Bible, yeah their action speak differently. He who is without sin cast the first stone. I have been hit numerous times with the stones of those who are not sinless,but project themselves as God-fearing by telling me that I need Jesus. The women are the worst. Like I said before I am all for sisterhood, and as I sister I will like to say that some of you are just out of hand. I mean you don’t have to agree with everything I say, but these rude comments are completely out of pocket. I would never in my life say something to someone that wasn’t used to better their lives. I may get mad at someone, but I would never tell a person to drop out of school. That may be the reason why so many young black women,and especially young black men are not in school now,because someone told them some shit like that. Something bad happened to them and a person just told them to drop out. What type of sense does that make? If a person is doing well in school,and a mishap just happens to occur, the only other option is to drop out? Hell no! This conference that my club is putting together looks at the possible reason of why there are so few young black men in college right now,and I believe older people and their negative comments is one of the factors. Especially if you live in a neighborhood were negativity is all around you. Someone telling you that it’s not worth going to school, or “oh you fucked up, you might as well drop out” could be a reason…..

I try so hard to not let these rude negative comments get to me,but they do. And my reaction to it isn’t sad, I don’t cry myself to sleep over it, it’s anger. It’s like how could you say something so rude and so malicious to someone? From my peers and from older people. I mean I would expect it from my peers, but from people older than me? Some of you should know better. Yes, I did make a mistake,but I’m looking past it now. I’m trying to do better things, I’m trying to stay positive,and your negative comments,though they anger me, are making me want to work harder. Don’t get me wrong, I love all the support I’m getting,but just like the rest of the world this negativity is starting to over power to positivity and I’m getting very annoyed by it….

So my question to all of you is……

WHAT MAKES PEOPLE THINK SO NEGATIVE OF A PERSON, AND WHAT IS THE USE OF BRINGING PEOPLE DOWN?

I don’t think I will get any answers to this question, rather more ridicule,and malice comments,but hey it’s worth a shot…..

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