Life of the College Girl

I’m Finally Over It

Posted on: February 9, 2008

This tape thing, at first, it was humiliating,but now, I mean it’s just not that serious to me right now. My friends have talked to me,and a lot of people on facebook have came to me about it,and I’ve just came to th conclusion that no matter what, people are going to talk. But people will get tired of talking,and it’ll be over. Honestly most of those people don’t have a life. I’m not saying that I am not upset about the video,I mean it still stings a lil bit,and I still have that fear of my parents finding out,but other than that I don’t really care anymore. I’m not going to hide myself because of other people,because if I do then that means that they win, and I don’t want them to win. This is just going to make me work harder,focus on my grades and have a 4.0 by the time I transfer.

But yeah, so many people are acting like it is so bad,when there are girls at the school who do the same thing everyday, more than I ever did it,but they don’t get caught so they are just like “oh she got caught doing it ,I’m going to talk about her.” But they don’t know me, my friends know me they spoke to me about it. I have a lot of support,so those other people don’t matter….


19 Responses to "I’m Finally Over It"

Hi…we don’t know each other but I’ve been reading some posts from BV that you’ve started and I’ve also read some of your blog entries…I would like to exchange email addresses with you. You remind me of myself mentally when I was younger… 🙂 hit me up.

OK so I want to start off by saying I am a straight male and I am mad at u for that video. Not even the sex part but u got a nigga saying fuck these hoes and u sitting there smiling. Im just saying dont let niggas, people for that use you and make a fool of you. Hopefully u build up some self esteem and realize that you are better than that.

What were you thinking??? I’m gonna say some deep shit right now but instead of get mad, question if any of this relates to you… Were you sexually abused or have weird sexual experiences? Were both your parents in your life? If your parents are in your life can you talk to them?? Why do you think its cool to be called a ho??? Do you think you have class? Were you teased as a child?? Something is seriously wrong w/ you. You have brought down the image of black women everywhere. Sex is between two people and suppose to be special. You exploited a sacred act. You need therapy.

Keep your head up, transfer schools, change your phone number, change your email, change your blog. I am a former orphan and whenever I did something that poisoned my network of friends I changed my location and change my information and started over. So what people at the HBCU trying to put you on blast, did you know there hundreds of colleges and cities where your beauty will be seen as something new and no one will know about your past if your ashamed of it. I have a illness that caused me to do something embarrassing at my college in 03. one week after that happen I moved out the dorm and moved to minnesota. Guess what I found there? New friends, new job, PEACE. And then after 2 years I came back to the same college where all the idiots who judged me flunked out and a new dorm was built where I met more new friends and only saw a couple of haters. If you need help finding a new college or new HBCU email me and we can talk. You can get through this. Stop being hard on yourself. Do you go to the church or listen to motivational tapes? It really helps me and should help you. Your blog is filled with self esteem shattering beliefs and no on here is trying to help you or anything. Dont let rude strangers take you down. Remember the ancestors were violated sexually and humiliated and they lived long enough to bring you to life and believe it or not you dont have life so bad. Make that move sistah, start over.

prince wants to interview you . get at them

Where ever you are, whatever you are doing, whatever it is you’re feeling right now, DON’T GIVE UP. Don’t give up on life, don’t give up on your future, and most of all, don’t give up on yourself. The Bible says “This, too, shall pass.” The situation you’re in, as devastating as it must be, can and will pass, if you let it. If you just hold on.

You made a mistake. We all make them. You’re not alone in this. The thing for us all to remember is that, no matter the mistake, we are still children of God. No matter how flawed, no matter how mistaken, no matter how misled. We are still who we are, and will always be. YOU ARE STILL PRECIOUS. You have been humiliated, and you have been violated. Violated not because you consented to do a video, but violated because, very likely, you did not consent for the video to be made public in the way that it has been.

The young men who have put you out there like this are wrong. There is no question about this. It may take you some time to forgive them for what they have done, and even more time to forgive yourself for allowing them to do it. But perhaps one day, you will be able to do both.

I hope and pray that you will take the first step in that direction by forgiving yourself. Forgive yourself for being human, for wanting to be loved, for wanting to be desired, for wanting to be wanted. Forgive yourself for not knowing how to fulfill your wants, for not having discernment about how and with whom to fulfill your wants. Forgive yourself for not requiring that these young men treat you with the love, honor, dignity and respect that you deserve. Forgive yourself for not loving, cherishing, honoring and respecting yourself the way you deserve. In forgiving yourself, vow that you will make it your mission to learn how to do these things, so that you can come out of this experience a better, wiser and stronger black woman. If you can’t do it for yourself, then do it for all the other young women who will go through this type of situation. Do it so that you can have a word and a message of hope for them. Like you, they will need to know that they can go on, shame and sorrow free, and live the life that God intended for them to live.

I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT. And I will be rooting for you.

Sending you love and healing,

I see that you haven’t posted in days and hopefully you are doing okay. This must be a trying time for you although you say you’re over, I don’t believe that. This is something that will heal with time and hopefully you will realize your mistake. I am totally disgusted by the guys who were in the video and whoever posted it for it can haunt you forever.

I can’t imagine how you’re feeling so I won’t try too but I do hope that you pull yourself together and quit trying to befriend males that have no good intentions with you in any way.

Good Luck to you and you’ll be in my prayers that you’re okay!

Hello young lady. I don’t know you but I’ve read some of your posts from BV and your blog. You my dear are in dire need of counseling and self-awareness. Do you not have any self-esteem? Take a good hard look in the mirror and realize that you made the choices and decisions that put you in a rock in a hard place. You must face what you’ve done and move on. Don’t place blame on anyone but you. I haven’t watched the video and don’t plan too but from what I’ve read, you’ve subjected your self to the most humiliating things ever and its all on tape. Please let this be a lesson for you sweetheart. I can’t sugar coat anything for you did this to yourself. Stop posting your face everywhere, your pretend/real name, your location, and schools you attend and move on in a more positive direction. Seek some therapy for you sound like you have underlining problems and you are seeking attention from people who don’t love you nor have your best interest in mind. If this is all over the net and I don’t even attend MSU, your parents are bound to find out so you might as well set them down and tell them to get it over with. No need to be ashamed now, you weren’t when you made the tape. Stop using your body and looks to get what you want. Use you mind, get your education and everything else (along with the right person) will fall in line when the time it right.

ijust wanted to let you know again, that everything will be ok. dont let anybody call you ‘dumb’ or put you down in anyway, just because you’ve made a mistake. just find the love you need to look at yourself and embrace who you are PHYSICALLY , EMOTIONALLY and MENTALLY. nobody has the right to judge you , cause they dont even know your cirumstances. just remember to cut off those people who have humiliated you and move forward from this.


just writing to say keep your head up. you’re right, it’ll pass and be old news in a few weeks. don’t ever let a man take advantage of you in that way again though. sometimes you just have to let the grimey niggas be grimey without your help.

stay strong, sista

Hey, not much that I can say that hasn’t already been said. Stay up, don’t sweat it, etc. I’m all about positive vibes. Those that are givin you shit about it, they have done things in the past too. The net makes our world a lot smaller than it used to be, but it also allows folks to think they can pass judgement. I like that you are at least blogging this experience. Be peace.


To say I’m at a loss for words is an understatement.

The saddest thing about the tape was that you seemed clueless as to what was going down. The ignorance of the whole scene was just ridiculous.

It’s like…there was no thought to the consequences…nothing. And us older cats are looking at it like “Yo….so THIS is the future mothers and fathers of our culture?”

Check game…I’ve done some dumb shit that I wasn’t proud of over the years. Everybody has. So I hope that is something you grow from…something that makes you stronger and SMARTER in the future…

But on the real…don’t act like this isn’t a big deal. It is. Your image, your name…your actions define WHO you are. When you get caught out there like this…it’s almost impossible to show people that you are any other way.

Being objectified is NOT what’s good in the hood.

Be smart.
Be better.

Be well.


D….a surrogate big brother hoping you see the light before it gets too late.

You have plenty company!!!

I went to an HBCU and I was intimate (off camera) with one male and over the course of my freshman year, I learned he spilled the tea to his frat brothers. I thought, gee, I must be that darn good, but as time progressed, I realize it was never about me, it was about selfish man-whores who stopped at nothing to satisfy their salacious appetites to add another notch in their belt. Anyway, I say all of that to say, I stopped “dating” the guy who put my business in the streets. Honestly, AFTER THE FACT, I did have intimate mono-relations (by choice) with few of his fraternity brothers, but I had the wits to never ever consent to group/taped sessions and never discuss previous relations. I made it about me and I was in control of the situation and didn’t get emotionally attached because they were not seeking me for marriage.

Smarten-up! Let this be a lesson learned. Think. THINK. Think. THINK.

In closing, look at the woman in the mirror and assess what you do not like about yourself so that you can start the healing process. There is plenty blame to go around, but at this time you must focus on your actions and try to get answers. We, the public, can only give you food for thought, but you have to break bread with self before our words begin to penetrate and marinate. I wi

Hi Britney, keep your head up. Everyone has made mistakes and as long as we keep living we are going to continue to do so. See this as a learning experience, make better decisions, and move on. God Bless.

Wow I don’t even pay attention to my comments, since I rarely get any, so this is a

Thank you to everyone, I will take everything ya’ll say to heart. I am doing a bit better now…

Hi, thanks for letting us know you’re okay. A lot of people have been worried about you.

I’m glad you intend to take the comments you’ve read to heart. I especially hope you will consider another commenter’s suggestion to get counseling. You’ve got a lot to sort through emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, and some professional guidance and support might really help.

Be blessed, now, and take things one day at a time, one step at a time. Your future still awaits you.

Take care,

You had a lot of us worried. Glad to know you are doing better. Please remember that no matter how bad it SEEMS right now, in no time at all this will be nothing but a faint memory. A small temp situation that will pass and you would have learned from. Keep your head up, there is a whole lot of life ahead of you to make new memories and new experiences

huh? brittney your self worth is really low!! you sound lost and profesional help.

You hang in there sweet face, this too shall pass. Bad times are never the end of the world. Stand in up against the negative comments, stares and gossip. I’m praying for you. Take care.

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