Life of the College Girl

I’m Angry…..

Posted on: February 4, 2008

I don’t know why,actually I do. My classes were dropped,my tuition isn’t going to be paid for a while,and I may get kicked out. I’m just so stressed right, I need a blunt,a drink,a black or something. I’m just hurt,stressed,and, let me just say,I need a man!!! I mean I don’t really need one but I do,but I’m too damn picky. I’m just waiting for the right one,but the right one hasn’t came around yet. I can’t stand it!!! The one I want doesn’t want me, and he letting it be known that he doesn’t want me. Well he does but,he only wants me for sex,and I hate that shit!!!! I need to go talk to somebody,but I feel dumb talking to someone over some guy,because I already know what they are going to say. So I just keep it in and write it down. Because that’s the only way I can truely get my emotions out,I have a hard time expressing them verbally.

Most the things that I write down are just thoughts and nothing more,but there was a time when my thoughts were more than that. There was a time when my thoughts became realities and I tried to attempt the things that went on in my mind. Multiple times,from jumping out my window to almost overdosing on pills. The thing is that I became afraid of death,so I stopped,and now they are just thoughts. My anger now over powers all of my other emotions now. I can’t tell you how many doors I’ve broken in my house, how many walls had to be plastered because I busted holes in them,how many chairs I’ve broken. I just go crazy when I get angry,I don’t know how to handle it.

Maybe that’s why I tend to abuse myself when I get angry sometimes,when there is nothing else to abuse. I mean I hurt myself emotionally,verbally abusing myself because of something I can’t control. Something that shouldn’t really be boggling my mind the way it is. I mean I should be worried about my tuition being paid,but no I worried about why I don’t have a man. But it’s weird, like I’m pretty so why don’t I have a man. I have kinda a big ass,a nice chest,I’m smart,I can cook, I’m good with kids(let me stop,I can’t stand kids. ok well I can’t stand bad kids), I don’t nag,I don’t cheat,I’m not a gold-digger,I think I dress nice, a lil unique but nice either way,I think I have a good personality,I mean I may get a lil crazy at some times but for the most part I got a good personality.

Maybe all those things are turn-offs, either way I’m still looking for my Prince Charming. He don’t even have to be Troy Smith right now,I mean that would be nice,but he don’t gotta be him. He could be a Ted,but seriously, I’m just too picky and the type of guy I want doesn’t want me,and that pisses me off because he should. He gonna mess around with some other girl with no skills,a disease,who can’t do nothing but fuck and then he gonna be mad,because he passed up a good woman. But oh well that’ll be his lost.

Ok, now I feel a lil bit better. Now my mind is on my tuition,I know I’m not going to be let in my Sociology class and my History class. I’m just so upset and stressed,I guess I’ll go to talk to somebody about that……..


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